Saturday, March 05, 2005

How I am forced to tie my shoe laces frequently

Before you start wondering what a silly, trivial and weird topic to write about let me give some background information. This activity is neither caused due to problems in my shoe nor is it caused because I am less gifted in this most noble art. Actually most of the time I just feign to be immersed in this most important activity when I am actually ducking for cover when some of the great mind's that surround me make some "Intellectually challenging statement's". Yes you guessed it right I normally tie my laces (or at least act as though I am) when I am plagued by this uncontrollable urge to laugh out.

This Friday has been yet another typical day @ office where I am forced to tie laces more than once.

Scene 1: Tea-Time, Cafeteria Floor 6, Me, Mr. Grr, Lady 1, Lady 2. I could have revealed the real name of Mr. Grr, but for the fact that he happens to be my good friend and that he does not exhibit these Brain Waves very often. Now Mr. Grr as usual slipped into his role of enlightening (would personally call it boring, entertaining at it’s best) the ladies of the various event’s lined up on the social circuit about which of course he knows a lot. It was then that he gave out this Gem, “Because I have to attend some *** event, I am going to take a Holiday on Saturday,……….” Well I dint wait to hear out what he went on to say next as I was busy tying my lace. For those of you who are wondering what is so funny about this, well Saturday happens to be a holiday @ HCL-T (taking a holiday on a holiday sound's cool) add to this the fact that I have been to office on many a Sat and have never seen Mr. Grr there, now I guess you will know why I had to tie my lace. It is strange the effect the ladies seem to have on people like Grr, however it is even more queer as to how these gem’s of gyan just bounce off them with seemingly no effect. Is it simply that they are dumb or are they acting dumb? I don’t have the answer but would surely like to hear one.

Scene 2: Meeting Time, Telecom Room, Me, Mr. Big Boss, Mr. X., Mrs. Y. Here Mr. Big Boss (No he’s not my boss, but at that meeting his role was tantamount to it) is spitting out Gyan at a rapid fire rate. Within 5 min I had had lost handle on what was being said and how it would affect me (what reusable component they would ask me to build). I noticed that Mr. X was scribbling away some notes in his notepad furiously matching the pace at which Mr. Big Boss was talking (if that was humanly possible). Also Mrs. Y’s (quite a senior person unlike Mr. X and Me) face was screwed up in deep concentration with her hand under the chin, nodding away vigorously at every thing Mr. Big Boss had to say. I was feeling ashamed as to why I am not able to grasp what was happening around me, I simply could not make head and tail of what was being said. Just when I was alarmed that I may drowse away and fall off the chair, I managed to turn my heavy head and have a peek into what Mr. X was writing in his notepad. Can you guess what was being written? Mr. X happened to be signing his name page after page on the precious office stationery (So much for save the tree’s campaign) even as Mr. Big Boss was firing his gyan at us satisfied that Mr. X was making enough sense out of it to take notes. I just about managed bite my tongue and purse my lips with a Herculean effort and managed to sway my head (which incidentally was now starting feel a bit light) to the other direction towards Mrs.Y . It was then that I realized that she looked like a cross between deep concentration, thought and understanding because she was trying desperately to control that desire to yawn. However at that moment she failed in her attempts and raised her hand helplessly to cover her mouth even as she surrendered to this most satisfying and at the same time embarrassing of all human desires. As you would have guessed by now I had to duck under the table at this point and tie my lace for a full 5 minutes before I got up again, much to the suprise of Mr. Big Boss (What could be more imp than hearing him out?)

Scene 3: Award ceremony @ Cafeteria, Me and some 200 odd employees. The award ceremony was taking place to felicitate the 40 odd HCL-T employees who had completed their domain certifications for the Insurance industry, some 20 of them were away on various onsite assignments. To honor these hard working and deserving people we had one “KH” VP research Gartner (name not given to protect identity). We were supposed to be enlightened with some gyan on trends in IT and Insurance sectors and some benefit’s of domain certifications by her (a euphemism for a long & boring speech). Thankfully Mr. Life Saver made this big goof and enraged our chief guest (or so I guess, It’s only my theory) so much that she ended her address with 3 lines only (very very short considering the fact that speeches consumed more than 45 min of the ceremony time before and after her speech). Coming to the goof it was simple indeed so simple that I guess only we Indian’s can manage it. When Mr. Life Saver came to the point when he had to address “KH” he was put into a dilemma was it Ms. Or Mrs. , Indeed a very important distinction where one had to exercise caution as the lady in question could be easily offended. After pausing for a few uncomfortable seconds Mr. Life Saver evidently confused found a simple solution. Let’s call her “Mr. KH” as there is no distinction in Mr. between married and unmarried is there? Bravo! What an ingenious solution to a seemingly tough choice. Only I guess “KH” was not so amused. And what did I do at this point? Tie my lace of course, only this time I could see quite a handful of heads move down in the same direction as mine.

By now you must have realized how important and unavoidable function the, acts of tying shoelaces are and appreciate the set of background events that finally culminate into this act. So the next time you see a person tying his lace at the middle of a meeting for some inexplicable reason you will know what it is for wont you?

PS: I still dont know if it is Ms KH or Mrs KH

PPS: Mr. Grr I gather did not apply for the holiday on the intranet as he initially intended.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Mr Subro

Mr Subro. u r God. so brave, so creative an so straigth forward way to put u r point across. Kudos may u r name be added to Funny , Candid & Creative IT men Hall of fame Posted by Hello

Latest SDLC @ IT services companies

After long deliberation's with a lot of member's of Solution group's, COE's (Center Of Excellence), Technology Group's & simple plain o'l Bench ppl, I have come to the conclution that the following four point's form the NEW SDLC @ the so called big IT services companies.

Requirement Definition
1· We r going to get this project ...(We have just started preparing proposals)

High Level Design
2· Please familiarize urself with tool X. Project Y may come anytime (Its been a week since proposal was sent and v r waiting to hear from the client).

Low Level Design
3· In addition to tool X also familiarize urself with tool Y and this will be a parallel activity (Signs indicate that the Client is least interested in u)

4· Now that u have learnt the tools lets build some reusable components that would help us save time and cost in future projects (Dream of getting a project remains a dream.Project goes to company Z)

Some of you may disagree if you do I woul love to hear what you have to say

PS: The inspiration for this post comes from a E-Mail from my friend whom I would like to call Mr. scientist & also Mr. Subro

More about Mr. Subro in my next Post or Picture